Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to apologize for yesterday's comic. As more than one person has informed me, polygamy is not legal in Utah, nor is it endorsed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Mea culpa.
Yes, Utah was more or less created from scratch by the Mormons.... and yes, polygamy was a distinguishing feature of that fledgling religion... and yes, almost five percent of modern Utahans (had to look it up... that is one of two correct demonyms) do currently practice polygamy.... but it was their church that caved to the rest of the nation, not vice versa. I guess the multiple wives thing just wasn't a priority.
So anyway, in the interest of not propagating horrible lies: The Mormons no longer officially advocate polygamy, nor is it legal in any State of the Union.
While I'm apologizing, I'd also like to apologize for my use of the phrase "sex with vacuum cleaners". My Mom told me she found it disturbing, and I certainly don't want to disturb my Mom. So, for my Mom, and for Moms everywhere: sorry about mentioning vacuum cleaner sex.
You should never try to have sex with a vacuum cleaner, believe me. That soft droning hum and those seductive whirling bristles conceal an array of metallic dentata the likes of which could inspire Dante to add a tenth circle to Hell. Dozens of hapless humans -- sane and healthy in all other respects -- have been admitted to the emergency room with a tenacious Hoover clamped to their bruised and bleeding 'nads like a plastic pit bull.
Listen to the president. Do not attempt to have sex with your vacuum cleaner.