twenty questions with a coinTwenty Questions with a coin IX

Sorry I haven't been updating lately. My girlfriend was
here doing the whole Christmas thing, and I got caught up in
this new project (that will be available soon), and I've got a new
job starting on the third.... but you're not here for excuses.

You're here to see a man flip a coin.

Our esteemed guest today is this Canadian toonie, apparently
celebrating the Queen's fiftieth birthday. Say hello, toonie!

(Tails) Screw off.

Hey, now. I expect that from some other coins, but not from a
high-denomination Canadian coin... especially one commemorating
the Queen. I think we deserve an apology.

(Heads) Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Let's do this.

Let's do this indeed.
1) Is it animal?

(Heads) Yes.

2) Is it human?

(Heads) Yes.

3) Is it alive?

(Heads) Yes.

4) Is it male?

(Tails) No.

A living woman, then....
5) Is this some particular celebrity?

(Tails) No.

Huh. So just... a woman, then.
Please tell me there's something else I need to know.
That's not enough.

(Heads) Yes, there's something else. Give me some credit.

Oh, good.
7) Is she.... Caucasian?

(Heads) Yes.

8) Is she over 30?

(Tails) No.

9) Is she standing up?

(Heads) Yes.

Wow.... so far, this could describe my girlfriend.
10) Is this my girlfriend, Amber Panyko?

(Tails) No! Jeez, get over yourself.

Right, right. I guess getting anything of personal significance
in this kind of exercise betrays a certain narcissism.
11) Is she a brunette?

(Heads) Sure.

12) Glasses?

(Heads) Yes.

What the crap! This is totally my girlfriend!
13) Does she have a distinctive hairstyle, long in front and short in back?

(Heads) ......yeah.

You freaking coin! What the heck are you trying to pull?
....wait, are you trying to tell me she's not really my girlfriend or something?

(Heads) Yeah, man! Wake up and smell the coffee!

I don't need some stupid two-tone metal slug questioning the validity of my
relationship! You better freaking apologize!

(Heads) Fine, fine, I'm sorry. Don't pop my middle out.

Thank you.
So what, I have to draw my girlfriend now? Or maybe draw her at some
point in time or in some alternate reality in which she is not my girlfriend?

(Tails) Nah.

So what the heck should I draw? I need to do something, I haven't updated
the site in a week! I guess I could do that asymmetrical thing...

(Tails) Pfft.

You're right, that's work. Maybe I should just put up some of
those graphics from the thing I was working on...

(Tails) Boooooring.

You are of no help to me whatsoever, you know that?

(Tails) Kiss my ursine rear.

Jeez. How about a scribble, would you like that?
How about I just do a scribble in Paint?

(Heads) Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

Well I'm not doing it, you hear me! I defy you, toonie! Just because
your worth is climbing, you think you can screw me around like this?
I'm putting up those Titan graphics, and there's nothing you can do to
stop me! You know why? Because you're inanimate! That's right.
I said it. Inanimate.

(Tails) I'm not inanimate. The thing you're having this conversation with is
an aspect of your subconscious. It may be directed by random binary suggestions,
but the interpretation is, and always has been, an aspect of yourself.

Well, I don't even have to put this online, what do you think about that?
Yeah, I could just close Notepad right now and delete this entire line of
conversation! Start over with a nice shiny American quarter, or that sheqel,
or a freaking button!

(Heads) Yeah, you could. I guess you really could. Why don't you?

...Are you trying to use reverse psychology on me? Do you want me
to post this dialogue/monologue or not?

(Tails) No, I do not want you to put this online. I mean, think of the
repercussions. You look crazy, here, you're talking to yourself. Of
course, you always were, but this is worse.

But there is something to be said for.... I dunno, artistic integrity. I started
this conversation thing because I wanted something to create and put online.
I've posted some truly horrible pictures because of the whim of the coin. Would
it be dishonest, somehow, to refuse to post this simply because it didn't come
out right? But then, an artist will discard a painting that got screwed up...

(Tails) Artistic integrity? What the heck are you talking about? You just
want to post something, and you don't want to do any work. That's how it
is with you online cartoonists. You don't want to put in any effort.

Hey, I was willing to do a normal picture, here. You're the one who screwed that up.

(Heads) Yeah, I know. So what are you going to do now?

I think I'm going to get the opinion of someone who isn't me.

Okay, my brother believes that the above answers point to a picture
of a girl who looks remarkably similar to my girlfriend, but is clearly not
her. He says I was wrong to assume the coin was casting aspersions
on our love, and everything from #13 onward doesn't count, gamewise.

So... should I draw some other person with my girlfriend's distinctive hairstyle?

(Heads) Yes. Fine. Good.

Okay. I'll do that, then.

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