I'll start, and add more as I find time, but anyone should feel free to contribute. Readers can also make requests, and I'll do my best to assist in preparing a suitable description of the recipe.
Introduction
So, you've finally gotten sick of ordering pizza 6 nights a week (Sundays are special- you get Taco Bell), but you can't make a PB&J sandwich without first checking Google?
Don't worry, we're here to help.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional chef or teacher; everything represented here is mostly my own opinion, based on my individual experience. I will be glad to admit when I can't give you the best answer, and will recommend you search elsewhere for further clarification.
This first post will be a collections of general kitchen-tips, problems to watch out for, and anything else non-recipe specific I think of. You don't need to read everything in this thread before you start, though depending on your level of experience you might find it helpful. What I WILL recommend is that any time you encounter a new recipe, read all the way through it once. It gives you a good sense of where things are going overall, what you need to plan for, and will warn you about any difficult bits that aren't apparent at first glance. More than one recipe starts out simple (mix eggs with flour...I can do that!) then 27 steps and 4 hours later you're only halfway to having dinner prepared. We'll try to avoid that kind of thing here, but it's still good advice to get in the habit.
Recipes
Beef Stew (by Deepbluediver)
Brie Bombs and French Fries (by crayzz)
Crepes (by crayzz)
Apple Fritters (by crayzz)
Quiche (by Deepbluediver)
Brownies (by Fifth)
Lasagna (by Deepbluediver)
Pumpkin Bread (by Deepbluediver)
French Onion Soup (by crayzz)
Mexican Rice (by Fifth)
Crockpot Stew (by Arklytte)
Spice Rice (by Fifth)
Vegetarian Chili (by Deepbluediver)
Peanut Butter Fudge (by Fifth)
Shepard's Pie (by snowyowl)
Shepherd's Pie (by Deepbluediver)
Meatloaf (by Deepbluediver)
Meatloaf Italiano (by Arklytte)
Peanut-Shrimp (by Deepbluediver)
Hot Chocolate (by crayzz)
Tex-Mex Macaroni (by Fifth)
Zucchini Fries (by Deepbluediver)
Tools of the Trade
Most chefs, both amateur and professional, drool over the kind of stuff you see in Martha-Stewart-magazine or on those cooking shows on TV. Most real-world kitchens are not like that however, and if you could hire a private chef you probably wouldn't need lessons on how to feed yourself, right? I'll list a few things in tiers, with the lower-ranked ones being more commonly used and more essential. You should get as many tiers as your space and budget allow; it just makes cooking easier and gives you more options.
For most of this stuff, I'd avoid getting the cheapest products available. The medium-priced utensils tends to be much higher quality and longer lasting, while avoiding the ridiculous costs that the high-end brands can reach. Most of these items can be found at the local Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Guys, suck it up. If your manhood is really threatened that much by lacy pink pillows, kidnap one of your female acquaintances to go with you. (not trying to be sexist here, women can be just as bad at cooking as guys, but most of them sure love shopping)
By the time you get to tier 4 (and some extent tier 3) most of the stuff is just replicating what other tools you have can already do, but in an easier fashion.
Tier 0) A heat-source
Whether it's a campfire, hobo-stove, grill, whatever, cooking generally involves the application of heat to food. There are probably a very small number of raw-food recipes that could qualify as cooking (instead of just "food preparation") though I wouldn't say that most of them are suitable for beginners.
Tier 1) A 6-8 inch all purpose "Chef's knife", a cutting board, a frypan, a saucepan, a wooden cooking spoon or flat spatula.
Use a cutting board when chopping anything. A knife will mark plastic or wooden countertops, and a stone counter will dull your knives wicked-quick.
Tier 2) A 4-inch pairing knife, a large 10+ quart soup pot, measuring cups and spoons or a kitchen scale, a vegetable peeler.
Generally, I prefer wooden or metal cooking untensils; the plastic ones always felt cheap and flimsy to me. If you buy Teflon-coated cookware (pots and pans) though, you can't use metal utensils on them for long without ruining the finish.
Tier 3) A serrated bread-knife, a stovetop wok or deep-sided frypan, a cheese grater, a potato masher, spring-loaded cooking tongs, a whisk or eggbeater, a colander or strainer, a casserole dish, large mixing bowl.
Tier 4) A 9-12 inch carving knife, a small frypan and small saucepan, a rubber spatula, a cooking fork, a cookie sheet, can opener, medium mixing bowl, crockpot, sieve.
I'll add more items if people recommend them, though I'm trying to keep at least the lower tiers to just the basics.
Measuring Units
Cups, teaspoons, tablespoons, a pinch
There are two small units of measurement in the kitchen- the Teaspoon (tsp) and the Tablespoon (tbsp). Do not mix them up! Also, the "teaspoons" in your cutlery drawer are not the same. Exact measurements are more important for baking than cooking, but in an emergency, I would estimate that a heaping teaspoon is roughly equal to about 2 "Teaspoons", and a heaping soup-spoon is probably a bit more than a regular "Tablespoon". Also, when I say "cup" I mean a standard measuring cup. You can estimate with most coffee cups (not mugs) but you should try to avoid that until you've had some practice.
If you can get more than one set of measuring spoons, do so. It saves you times so you don't need to stop and rinse them, and then wait for them to dry to avoid either cross-contamination or ruining your spices.
For measuring cups, I usually like having a 1-cup, 2-cup, and 4 or 6 cup; with those I can cover most things, though again, if you can get more than 1 it's helpful so your dry ingredients don't stick to the inside of a wet cup.
Here are a few specialty measuring cup- this one is good for liquids, because you can look in from the top and see exactly how much you've got, without needing to lean down an check from the side.
http://www.zappos.com/oxo-good-grips-2- ... 08135910:s
This one is good if you do a lot of baking with sticky substances such as honey or molasses. If you can't get one of these, then another tactic is to warm the sticky substances slighty (in the microwave) which makes them much less viscous.
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products ... 91500045-2
Meat
Beef is king in the kitchen. You can do pretty much anything with it, including the not-cook options (steak tartare). Baking, broiling, sauteing, potting, frying, grilling...there's almost no recipe you can't add beef to and not have it work out.
Fun fact- Luxembourg recently surpassed the U.S. as the world's largest meat-eaters per capita (per person), but AFAIK, Argentinia still eats the most beef.
Lamb (aka mutton) is another red-meat, though it tends to be a little more delicate than beef. You have to be careful when cooking lamb as it tends to be leaner than beef, and will get dry very easily if you cook it to hot or to long. Chops and Roasts are the most commonly used cuts of lamb in the U.S.
Goat (I've never cooked with goat, though I've eaten it on occasion) isn't very common in the U.S. It can be prepared similarly to lamb, though it has a stronger, more distinctive flavor that some people don't like.
Chicken is almost as versatile as beef, and has about as many recipes. Most people seem to prefer white-meat (the breast), but dark meat (legs, thighs, backs, etc) is usually juicer, and harder to overcook. Chicken breasts are the easiest to work with for recipes requiring you to add chicken to something else, and dark-meat works best for grilling or baking parts and eating them whole.
Turkey often gets complaints that its dry and tasteless- this is because it's been overcooked and these people have never had good turkey.
Goose is similar to turkey, though it tends to have more dark meat and again, a slightly distinctive flavor (kind of like the goat-to-lamb comparison)
Duck is very fatty, and you need to be careful when cooking it or the meat will end up being greasy. Not recommended for beginners.
Cornish Game Hens - I've never cooked these, though I see them in the store from time to time. I assume they are similar to chicken.
Pork is delicious in all it's forms, though check with your guests, since its banned from eating in both Jewish and Muslim cultures. Pork is best when it's baked or fried, and pork-fat is delicious eating. It's not that unhealthy so long as the rest of your diet is balanced, but you'll want to trim it off if you are trying to lose weight.
Fish- it's hard to get decent fish once you travel more than about 100 miles from the coast, in the U.S., unless you go to a nice restaurant. A lot of people from the middle part of the country will say they don't like fish, but I'm convinced that's because most of them have only ever eaten river-trash. Whitefish (like flounder or tilapia) is frequently breaded and fried, or poached. Pink fish, like salmon, is usually baked. The meatier fishes, like tuna and swordfish, can be grilled like beef-steak.
Fun fact- rocky mountain oysters are NOT seafood!
Shellfish are usually steamed or made into creamy soup, though they are also eaten raw. At the simplest, they're all pretty much good to eat steamed with garlic, white whine, and dipped in butter. Shellfish are also not Kosher though, and some people have allergies so double-check before making them the main course. They can also be very messy to eat (as romantic as it sounds, avoid fresh lobster on a fancy date).
Chopping vs. Dicing
Below is a good graphic of onions; the ones on the right are chopped and the ones on the left are diced, to give you an estimation of the approximate size.
(and the ones in the middle are an abomination of nature)
For the most part, I chop my veggies; there are very few instances where I honestly consider it essential to dice things. Mostly those would be in recipes that mix them with other things (small pieces mix more evenly) and only cook them for a short time or with indirect heat. Omelettes would be a good example, and possibly some soups as well.
Butter, Oil, Margarine, and Shortening
Oil is very useful for keeping food from sticking to the pan and helping it to cook evenly. The most common and often cheapest oil is vegetable or corn oil, and regardless of what else you read about "health food" unless you are on a special diet of some sort or allergic, there's no problems cooking with it. It's kind of like the chicken of the oils- not flavorless, but most other things will be compared to it.
If you are frying food, it's the best option for meat and fish, barring a few specialty oils that can be heated to exceptionally high temperatures (most of these feature that fact prominently on the label, if you are looking for that perk). If you are cooking something like french fries that uses a lot of oil, you can actually reuse extra oil- just let it cool and then pour it back in the jar. Generally, you don't want to do this with oil that has been used to cook meat, as it often imparts an aftertaste to the oil, and even when stored in a refrigerator it will turn rancid if left to long.
Olive oil has a significantly lower burning temperature, which means if it gets to hot it will start to smoke. If you are heating up oil while prepping other food, keep an eye on it.
Oilve oil is better for stir-fyying vegetables (and should not be used for deep-frying), a small splash in the pan is plenty for most things except onions, which soak up the oil and may require more than normal. Olive oil is also usually considered healthier than vegetable oil; it still has a lot of calories, but its also got more nutrients and tastes better plain. Fancy restaurants will put a small bowl of it on the table to dip bread in.
Peanut oil is another commonly available oil as it is popular in Asian cooking. It is like vegetable oil, though most people will tell you it has it's own distinctive taste.
Butter is not oil. It is dairy-based, and will burn very quickly if you heat it to fast. It is possible to cook with butter in place of oil if you are desperate, so long as you are also careful, but you must keep the heat low and watch the pan closely.
Margarine is basically vegetable oil that has had emulsifiers added so that stays solid at room temperature. Its sometimes cheaper and usually healther (less calories) than butter, though butter is admittedly richer in taste. You can cook with margerine mostly in the same way you use oil, and it goes fine on toast. You really shouldn't try to substitute it in for more complicated recipes though, particularly baking. if you are so worried about counting calories that you are looking for "healthy" options, just skip the cupcakes entirely.
Shortening is basically any fat or oily substance that is solid at room temperature. It used to refer exclusively to lard, but nowadays it's easy to find vegetable-based shortenings such as Crisco. Unless you live in the midwest, in which case your local Wal-mart should still be able to supply you with 5-gallon buckets of lard (I wish I was joking). Most of it will keep for months and does not need to be refrigerated.
It tends to be used in flaky-pastry crust because of the unique crumble it imparts to the baked goods, but it's also excellent for "greasing" that pan when you are baking, so you don't need to buy extra cooking-spray (which I hate the taste and smell of).
Spices
I have no idea what I'm going to put here.
Other Useful Links
Imgur's contribution (part 2)
WIP